Haunted / Desperately Seeking an Exorcist

Every morning it wakes me up

Bouncing on the bed like a newborn baby

Wanting to go out and play

Yelling, "Change my nappie."

 

Every night it crawls into bed with me

Old and complaining like Methuselah

Snoring

Then wanting me to take it to the bathroom for a pee

Or the kitchen for a snack

 

It's teeth are falling out

There's dakini writing on its nails

It's breath is like an old dead kipper

Or fresh as frost morning sunlight

 

In desperation I say,

"Don't you have somewhere else to stay?

Didn't you die twenty years ago?"

"No," it replies,

"You're the one that died;

I'm quite happy here alive."

 

Please reply. Will do anything

for a good night's sleep or holiday.

Signed, Lulu the Fan Dancer

P.S.  The first wag that replies,

"There's no hope,"

gets a blue pancake on the head.

 

                                - John Riley Perks