SUKHAVATI: OPENING REMARKS
by Frank Berliner
Good evening. I want to welcome Denise's family, Fleet's family, all of Denise's relatives, her many, many friends, and the noble sangha.
We are here this evening to celebrate Denise's life, and to acknowledge her death. We are also here to express our faith and confidence that her journey continues, and that our love and friendship for her will continue as well.
I knew Denise for more than 30 years. She was always a lady. She glowed with what her heart teacher Trungpa Rinpoche called "enriching presence." She lived the vibrant and expansive life of a mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, and Shambhala householder. Many, myself included, would even say a householder queen. She was lovely, she was loyal, she was diligent, she was vivacious, she was generous, and she overflowed with exuberant vitality. She embodied elegance and abundance in every aspect of her life.
In fact, she seemed to all of us like the last person in the world who would be afflicted in the way she was. It was impossible not to feel that her cancer was horrifically untimely and unfair. It seemed like a vicious left-hook from the universe. It made us realize once again, if we had ever forgotten it, that none of us are invulnerable, and that there are no guarantees.
The sudden onslaught of such a devastating illness would have crushed the spirits of most people. But Denise didn't even wait for her teachers to instruct and encourage her in how to deal with such an overwhelming challenge. She seemed to understand its spiritual significance immediately, and she embraced it fully. When she spoke to the Sakyong shortly after learning of her cancer, he later told us that she said to him:
"The threat of death came sooner than I expected, while I was in the middle of living my life. However, this must be the blessing of the guru."
Over the past three years, the lady became a lioness. She turned and faced this relentless threat with great courage. She faced it patiently, humbly, fiercely, and without complaint. She never lost her sense of humor. She practiced with the burdens of her illness impeccably. Her devotion to her teachers and their example was unwavering. Whatever fear or discouragement she may have experienced, it is utterly obvious from her conduct that she brought all these difficulties into her spiritual practice without hesitation.
As her death approached, her natural sweetness just kept deepening, and her loving heart opened more and more effortlessly to everyone she encountered. More and more, she thought only of others. Her final weeks bring to my mind the story of the doctor who attended His Holiness the 16th Karmapa in his last days. This doctor said after His Holiness died:
"We thought we were taking care of him, but by the end we realized he had been taking care of us the whole time."
I think there is no more vivid evidence of this than the tenderness and affection our community has shared with each other in the long journey of caring for Denise. And especially at the time of her death. Her kindness, her bravery, and her gratitude have cracked our hearts open, and have inspired us in turn to become kinder, braver, and more grateful to each other. In this way, I feel that she has passed on the very essence of her life force to each of us who knew her, and that we carry that essence now in our secret hearts from this day forward. I can think of no more precious legacy for any human being to leave behind them to bear fruit in the lives of others.
All in all, I believe that Denise's life-- and her death-- have borne out our beloved teacher's faith that each of us can understand the holy dharma, that we can take it completely to heart, that we can practice it with exertion and faith, and that we can accomplish it fully-- both in life and at the time of death. There is no question in my own mind that Denise did all this. And although I definitely do not have any of the higher perceptions, I have no doubt that Denise has taken this practice and accomplishment into her death, and through it. She is a wonderful-even a wondrous-- inspiration and example for every one of us.
Here is how Denise herself put it:
"If I would recommend anything, it would be: Take death to heart.
The realization of death is a real blessing. It brings joy, freedom, genuine appreciation, and the ability to fully live our lives right here and now." Knowing my time is limited, I'm grateful just to appreciate the life I've lived, the teachers I've studied with, and the love I've been given and received."
Good evening. I want to welcome Denise's family, Fleet's family, all of Denise's relatives, her many, many friends, and the noble sangha.
We are here this evening to celebrate Denise's life, and to acknowledge her death. We are also here to express our faith and confidence that her journey continues, and that our love and friendship for her will continue as well.
I knew Denise for more than 30 years. She was always a lady. She glowed with what her heart teacher Trungpa Rinpoche called "enriching presence." She lived the vibrant and expansive life of a mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend, and Shambhala householder. Many, myself included, would even say a householder queen. She was lovely, she was loyal, she was diligent, she was vivacious, she was generous, and she overflowed with exuberant vitality. She embodied elegance and abundance in every aspect of her life.
In fact, she seemed to all of us like the last person in the world who would be afflicted in the way she was. It was impossible not to feel that her cancer was horrifically untimely and unfair. It seemed like a vicious left-hook from the universe. It made us realize once again, if we had ever forgotten it, that none of us are invulnerable, and that there are no guarantees.
The sudden onslaught of such a devastating illness would have crushed the spirits of most people. But Denise didn't even wait for her teachers to instruct and encourage her in how to deal with such an overwhelming challenge. She seemed to understand its spiritual significance immediately, and she embraced it fully. When she spoke to the Sakyong shortly after learning of her cancer, he later told us that she said to him:
"The threat of death came sooner than I expected, while I was in the middle of living my life. However, this must be the blessing of the guru."
Over the past three years, the lady became a lioness. She turned and faced this relentless threat with great courage. She faced it patiently, humbly, fiercely, and without complaint. She never lost her sense of humor. She practiced with the burdens of her illness impeccably. Her devotion to her teachers and their example was unwavering. Whatever fear or discouragement she may have experienced, it is utterly obvious from her conduct that she brought all these difficulties into her spiritual practice without hesitation.
As her death approached, her natural sweetness just kept deepening, and her loving heart opened more and more effortlessly to everyone she encountered. More and more, she thought only of others. Her final weeks bring to my mind the story of the doctor who attended His Holiness the 16th Karmapa in his last days. This doctor said after His Holiness died:
"We thought we were taking care of him, but by the end we realized he had been taking care of us the whole time."
I think there is no more vivid evidence of this than the tenderness and affection our community has shared with each other in the long journey of caring for Denise. And especially at the time of her death. Her kindness, her bravery, and her gratitude have cracked our hearts open, and have inspired us in turn to become kinder, braver, and more grateful to each other. In this way, I feel that she has passed on the very essence of her life force to each of us who knew her, and that we carry that essence now in our secret hearts from this day forward. I can think of no more precious legacy for any human being to leave behind them to bear fruit in the lives of others.
All in all, I believe that Denise's life-- and her death-- have borne out our beloved teacher's faith that each of us can understand the holy dharma, that we can take it completely to heart, that we can practice it with exertion and faith, and that we can accomplish it fully-- both in life and at the time of death. There is no question in my own mind that Denise did all this. And although I definitely do not have any of the higher perceptions, I have no doubt that Denise has taken this practice and accomplishment into her death, and through it. She is a wonderful-even a wondrous-- inspiration and example for every one of us.
Here is how Denise herself put it:
"If I would recommend anything, it would be: Take death to heart.
The realization of death is a real blessing. It brings joy, freedom, genuine appreciation, and the ability to fully live our lives right here and now." Knowing my time is limited, I'm grateful just to appreciate the life I've lived, the teachers I've studied with, and the love I've been given and received."
* * * A year before her death, [Denise] requested me to perform her funeral. The whole event was very powerful...Denise's grace and dignity in meeting her death, her kindness to everyone, and and especially her faith and exertion in preparing herself by studying the bardo teachings in depth for the last full year of her life-- were incredibly inspiring to our sangha here. Many people felt intuitively that she experienced some level of realization at the time of death. The atmosphere around her was clear, free, light, and powerful. -Frank Berliner, 19 September 2008 |
posted by Chronicles of CTR at 3:37 PM
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