Letting Go

I first met Del in 1969 when I arrived in Los Angeles fresh from college. We ended up sharing a communal house for two years on top of a hill in Santa Monica. Those were heady times for spiritual seekers. Del always seemed to be the first of our group to discover a new guru in town, get initiated, and then convince the rest of us to join in. He was a true seeker from the start. When Trungpa Rinpoche arrived on the scene our "shopping around" was over.

Del and I continued to interweave closely through each other's lives over the decades. We stayed in contact with a light touch that carried a lot of love. At times I felt pushed by him to be more outrageous, more honest. Sometimes this pushing had a darkness, a fierceness, tangled up with alcohol. At other times we shared an expansive view of the present moment -- elegant and completely awake. Throughout it all he was one of the people in my life that I could always count on to be present -- to listen well -- to encourage my spirit.

Over the years Del moved through a series of jobs, usually involved with books or publishing. Occasionally there were gaps when he would collect unemployment for six months or so. I was always amazed at his lack of anxiety during these transitional times. He relaxed into the open space, free of the need to accomplish anything, spending days sitting at cafes, perusing the paper, puttering around his house. He had this ability to trust that things would work out, that the world would provide -- and it always did. At the end of his life this fundamental relaxation served him well. He faced death directly and simply. He said he felt sad that this was happening, and yet, it was okay. The smoothness of his exit reverberates deep inside me. May we all trust -- and let go -- with such grace.

Barbara Bash