To Ben on the 49th day

Ben Pontius Kado

Hey Ben,

I just got back from the ceremony at the Shambhala Centre to mark the 49th day since your passing. It was quite well attended. Sandra and Bob Gailey presided.

Sandra led off with a piece that she had written about you and your relationship with her. It was really well done. Not only was it well written, but it was also very straightforward, cheerful and uplifting. It was touching but not sappy. I think you would have appreciated it. That set the tone for the ceremony which was on the one hand traditional, with readings from the Tibetan Book of the Dead (the prayers at the end of the book), but at the same time very relaxed.

Your picture burned beautifully, falling in a flaming mass that hung over the side of the large bowl and, for a moment, burned on the table top itself, before Sandra and Bob reached and over and scooped it back in.

The whole ceremony probably lasted less than 30 minutes; it was quite precise and elegant, just like you. A pleasant reception followed right in the shrine room.

Your ashes were in a beautiful wood box, open on the shrine. Sandra joked that it was 'open casket'. After the ceremony a number of people, including myself, came up and spent a moment with you and your ashes. Sandra will take them to Dorje Denma Ling to be scattered tomorrow. I'm sorry I can't be there. It will be the first of December; the weather is typical Nova Scotia; lots of clouds, some snow flurries, temperature around freezing.

I wanted to tell you that Sandra looks great. Of course she is sad, grieving for sure. But at the same time she looks great. She seems very steady, physically, psychologically and spiritually. Last weekend I happened to see her at the Sakyong's community weekend program and talked to her for five minutes. I was so impressed with her presence. What ever her experience has been over the past several years, it seems that she has grown with it.

So you can turn your attention to what comes next. You know, as we were reading the chants from the Tibetan Book of the Dead I was noticing that they talk a lot about how scary the experiences are after death, and how much help the dead person needs to navigate through. But I had the definite feeling that you were not having a terrible time. I had the definite sense that you were handling the experiences as you handled your mind through all those years that I knew you; in a very straightforward way, with a sense of humor, with humbleness, and particularly with unswerving, unbroken devotion.

You handled a lot of shit when you were alive; I have the sense that you can handle a lot of shit now that you are dead.

I've been reading Ponlop Rinpoche's book recently; Mind Beyond Death. It reminds me of what I heard Trungpa Rinpoche say, which was that the only way to prepare for death was to work with your mind right now; and really the only thing we have to do, dead or alive, is to work with our own mind.

So you have gone on before me. I noticed that I am just one month older than you; your birthday is December 20, mine is November 17. We were both born in 1941; you in Iowa, me in Michigan. And now your incarnation as Richard Benjamin Pontius is over. Mine as David Whitehorn continues for a while, who knows how long. The fact that we were born so close to the same time, not that far away physically; and the fact that we found the same teachings, and the same teacher, and that we both were drawn to the Kasung path; all of that suggests to me that we have a close karmic connection and that as the complex web of phenomena continues to unfold, we will once again serve together.

Perhaps it will be something like the time, ten years ago at Dorje Denma Ling, when you and I and Barbara Zelinski were the only kasung for an Atlantic Region Shambhala leadership conference. You may remember that we were on duty 24/7 for the entire three days, running from one post to another. It would be wonderful to have that much fun again with you.

Bon voyage,

David Whitehorn, Rupon
(Mountain Drum)
30November2007
Halifax